hey,
needed to vent stuff. and like i said. this is
stuff written in a magazine while sitting in a tree on an overcast day watching the waves violently crash against the erroded beach. it was magically cold.

so anyway little bit of background. been in sydney studying drama for 3 months now. and have had alot of revelations and amazing head and heart stuff happen so this is the explosion of my brain in the form of a journal...
by the way may not make sense, but i needed to type it to process.

burn
crash
over and out
thank God its fatal
Beauty...
in wind in rain in dark skys and annoying dogs that don't fit into the mindset of our perfect little worlds because they are irritating.
Thank God that things are hard and the waves we are riding are dark and luminous. Thank God for the unknown, for iadiquasy as it breeds authentisity and beauty and humility.
Thank God for:
the dog that howels when we try to sleep
the day thats dark and clowdy when we prayed for sun,
the wind and rain that blows away the personas we dressed up as today
the graffiti on the park bench that breaks that perfect picture you had of life
the spelling mistakes that keep popping up in that jurnal your trying to read that stops you from actually understanding what your reading because its all mistakes after mistakes.
the mildew in the bathtub
the shower head that is just a little too short.
the montain thats just a little too dangerous
the teacher that deflates your ego so you can fit out the door of her classroom
ANYTHING THAT WAKES US UP! WE'RE NOT LIVING JUST FOR COMFORTABLILITY ARE WE??
I WILL NOT BE CASED IN PLASIC!!!
smiles maybe fake but tears are a little harder to tern on and off like a tap.

Am i giving myself time to breath in the mist of the collamities of my world?
Am i letting them grow me??
is there enough space in my head and in my life to actually see the beauty in that note that just never is quite right or am i being institutionalised?
when the car breaks down are we so caught up in the callamity of the situation that we miss the beauty of the lanscape we've been forced to stop in?
i don't know alot but i'm starting to understand that when i rush and don't give him time, when i don't stop to be human and get caught up in the robotic actions of the 'doings" of life or my own pathetic persute of perfectness.
i get stopped
Sometimes it takes the dog barking or the wind blowing your hat off, to pull you out of this plastic way of thinking and into a true still warmth.
how offten do we move on from the mountain top before we have seen the sunrise?

I yearn to extend myself, to push past the human capassity for creativity and live in that place of inspiration that is Him breathed. that spot thats never safe, but always free like falling.

embrace the ladder in your stokings. do we have faith dispite our black chipped nails?
Nothings perfect, get over it.
sometimes life is that wave that dumps you over and over and over until your gasping for air and unable to think, until your eyes are stinging because of the salt water and all you can do is grasp that extended hand without think is this socialy correct? am i making a statement? and just trust in something bigger.

you life is pressious teritory. have people that will fight for you. its important
and that is the end of my speil wow it was long